Women finally found their voices

You can’t escape it. It is the only thing that has bumped Trump off the news.

 It should be top news as many women have come forward to out the power-driven men who have assaulted and abused women for so many years.

When I was a young woman, we had to fend for ourselves the best way we could. We never thought of telling anyone because no one seemed to think it was a big deal. Young women in my own family spoke of how our family chiropractor touched them inappropriately and one said he kissed her. I was shocked that he went so far with them, but I had to admit that his hands touched my backside far more than was necessary. I was bothered by it, but did not know what to do. I felt awkward saying anything to him, and I knew he would act innocent as if it were an accident. When the subject came up at a family gathering, and the girls were irate, the men all laughed as though it was nothing to be concerned about. They really did not feel it was wrong. 

I remember when I attended business functions with my husband; some of the men made sexual advances toward me and made me quite uncomfortable. One old man actually crawled under the banquet table and was touching my legs until I made my husband aware of it. Seems the old lecher was doing that to all the women. Again, he was laughed at and I am sure felt no shame. 

Recently I have heard more and more from women who have been assaulted, or groped in school by boys who felt perfectly within their rights to grab a girl inappropriately against her will. One was pressured to have sex with the boss. She quit her job because of his behavior. I was more dismayed when I learned that someone close to me was kissed by a man she admired, her high school teacher she had respected. 

While I was in college a freshman girl, who had low self-esteem, was gang-raped by boys at a fraternity. She did not report it because she had been drinking and felt she would not be believed. She left school soon after and we did not hear from her again. Looking back now, I hope she found someone to talk to about this horrible thing. I hope she found some help.

Women and girls have endured this type of treatment at the hands of boys and men forever and our culture just accepted it as normal. Many of the men who are now being accused never felt their behavior was wrong. Pinching a girl's behind was not considered wrong. If you ever watched Mad Men, the TV show, you can see what was accepted back in those days.

I have always heard the expression, "She slept her way to the top." It seems that was what Harvey Weinstein told women they must do if they wanted to become a star.  

In the last thirty years as women began to use the same foul language in the work place and tried to act like the men, I think some men took this to mean anything goes even gross sexual conduct.  I am not blaming the victims, but perhaps men have been given the wrong message by some.

Sadly some men who were not perpetual sexual deviants are now being accused of unwanted advances that they never felt were inappropriate. Some sexual comments toward a woman were considered complimentary, not harassment, by men of my generation. In fact, I don't consider it harassment to tell a woman she is pretty or that she looks good. We might be intelligent but still we like to know someone thinks we are good-looking. 

I think the worst behavior is when older men prey on young girls or when they use their power over a woman to coerce her into having sex with them. A young single mother who needs a job to feed her kids can more easily be forced against her will than someone who can just tell her boss where to go and walk out. I was told by a young woman that the man she worked for tried to coerce her into having sex. He was well-known in the community. When she balked he said he would fire her. She said she would tell people about him. He laughed and said, "Nobody will believe you."

Some generations ago something happened to many men in America. They forgot to grow up, to become responsible. Some of my husband's friends acted like they were still in college although they were married and holding down good jobs. These men in their thirties drank to excess and used drugs. They cheated on their wives and thought nothing about it. Their behavior was immature, I thought. 

Men in my father’s generation took on the mantle of fatherhood and manhood and followed the values they had learned from the generation before them. When I think of my uncles, I don’t remember any of them making lewd remarks in front of women or acting macho to impress others. They were men I admired. 

I hope the women coming forth and women sticking together to finally tell about the powerful men who sexually harass and assault them will not be a momentary blip on the conscious of the United States of America. I hope this will be a moment that educates all men; that awakens men with daughters, wives, and mothers and makes this a personal issue. Then these men might grow up and become the men I knew in my father’s generation.