The Old Life Ends

Glenda and Barry at Chimney Rock in WNC mountains

Finally, my house is sold and someone else lives where I spent the past thirty years, the happiest years of my four and one-half decades with Barry. 

Our first Christmas in our mountain house with Kodi

When I think about why I was so happy in the mountains, there were many reasons. For the first time, Barry and I were completely alone with no family members near us. I had not realized that living close to most of my family, which was involved in our lives, we never felt alone with each other. I remember one night close to Christmas, Barry and I sat on the floor in front of our blazing fireplace in our large living room on the farm. It was to be a romantic time for us. We drank champagne and there in our darkened room with only the forests surrounding us, we felt a deep closeness. 

Suddenly a loud knock at the front door startled us. He looked at me and said, "Just ignore it. They will go away."

But next, we heard a voice, "Glenda, it's Max." I knew my brother would not go away. He knew I was home, and he wanted to see me.

Our romantic moment was shattered. We had to open the door and invite him in.  He had no idea he was intruding on our quiet time. 

Barry and I lived on the family farm with my three brothers, their families, and my parents. All were within walking distance of each other, and Max often took a walk at night and ended up at my door. I never knew when he would appear after dark and expect to come in and talk awhile.

But when we moved to the mountains into our "tree house" where we sat on our deck among the high limbs and leaves with a wide view of sky above us, we delighted in being totally alone. We knew no one in the county and liked it that way. For the first time, we depended only on each other. We had no one second-guessing our actions, or our lifestyle, watching us. I had no big brothers telling me what I should or should not do. The men in my family had always been in charge and I was used to taking their advice.

The homes on the farm, often called the compound, were a small community of 10 adults, and several children, who felt it important to know everything about each other, good or bad. My sisters-in-law seemed to find fault with each other and found a listening ear in me. I became the confidant they felt safe to open up to about whatever was their latest gripe. I loved all of them and tried to be sensitive to their complaints. I never betrayed their trust as I knew they needed someone to whom they could vent with no consequences. 

I am sure you understand why being alone in our mountain house made such a difference in our lives. I am happy to be a part of a large family and all seven of us were close, but being super sensitive as I was in my younger days, I felt their resentment toward each other like an invisible blanket when we were together as a family. 

The brothers worked together every single day and Barry worked with them. They had their own relationships to manage. Often my husband came home frustrated and upset over something that happened between him and one of my brothers. I always listened. I sympathized, but too often I tried to make him see my brother's point of view. That did not go well. Looking back now, I wish I had supported him in his differences with them, but in our family, we are prone to try to fix every problem. I stressed out over his problems because I could not help him. So he spent twenty years dealing with my family but learned that sometimes when he wanted to get a plan accepted, he had to make his ideas seem like they were my brothers' ideas. 

Those years in the western NC mountains were calm, and unworried most of the time, and we finally got to know each other as we had never done before. I feel that peace even now remembering us sitting on our deck in the dark listening to the night sounds all around us. Looking at the stars above and loving each other and our lives together.

We always had a furry friend with us who made our family complete. First was Kodi, our beautiful and sweet Samoyed. Later, Barry rescued Rocky after 13-year-old Kodi died. He was definitely Barry's dog. They communicated silently but always understood each other.

There was so much love in our home, that I could hardly believe how happy I was. Both of my parents had died before we moved off the farm, and soon after, my dear brother Ray died. During the years I lived in our mountain home, my four brothers died, and my older sister, too. Those were sorrowful times that we shared with each other. Barry's only brother also passed away.

Still, we had many joyous times with my sister, Gay, and her husband, Stu. Barry and Stu were so close they seemed like brothers. Our vacations together each year were highlights that we talked about every time we were together. We still often remember the fun we had and sometimes it brings tears to our eyes as we miss Barry.

Barry and I bounced back from surgeries in Atlanta hospitals. One doctor told me he was positive I had colon cancer. I was in the hospital for a week after surgery but did not have cancer.

In 2008, after months of pain in his knee, Barry was diagnosed with lymphoma. A tumor grew in his leg just above his knee. We were assured by doctors in the city that it was a common ailment that could be treated and was no immediate threat. He died in 2009 after months of horrible pain which I will never forget.

I was sure my days of happiness were gone to never return. I wished I had died with him. I could not see how I could go on. Grief overcame me and anger seethed near the surface of my emotions. I was rude and self-pitying. But I finally found a way to move on. 

After much soul-searching I decided to do what I enjoyed best. With help from good friends and family I remodeled my large daylight basement and created a writing studio. My plan was to teach classes and to bring in good writers of poetry and prose to teach at my studio. It turned out to be an excellent business for me and all our local writers signed up for classes. That was a big turning point in my life and I accepted the changes I faced without Barry.

At this time in my life, I am facing another big turning point. I have moved to the city and must learn new ways to live. I have learned my deficiencies, where I need help and when I should ask for it.

 As I recover this year from a fall that caused a broken shoulder and surgery to replace it, I grow more confident in becoming independent again or at least as much as possible. I am happy to be near my family. With my sister, Gay, my niece, Lee, and their husbands, Stu and Dave, I always have someone to call on if I need them.

Although I miss my mountain house, I don't have the stress of keeping it up, the costs of repairs and maintenance which I could not do alone. This morning I sat on my deck overlooking a lake and enjoyed the coolness that followed the hurricane that whipped through Georgia last week. My little Lexie is happy here and always near me. 

In October I will teach again online. I have goals and plans for the future, a reason to get up each day. I continue to work for NCWN-West and keep in touch with my friends and fellow members of our large writing organization. I see good things happening for them in the coming year.

I hope your days are happy and healthy. Until next time, be kind.

De-Stressing, taking off a few of my hats

I wear too many hats I've decided. Can't keep up with everything these days. So, what to do?

Saturday we will have our last class at Writers Circle for this season. I will concentrate on changes I want to make in the studio and downstairs. I will have all winter to get things done.

My last class at TCCC ends in October and I will not teach again until next year. As much as I love teaching senior adults to write about their lives, I need time for myself now. 

When those two hats are hung up until next year, I will still have another hat on - working with individual writers and poets to help them complete goals for their writing. 

But this winter I will put in place a new schedule for the coming year. I will work more from home, in my studio, and will not be hosting as many out of town writers as I have done in the past. 

I have been asked to teach more at my studio instead of the college. I have also been told by several people that I don't charge enough for my classes. I know that, compared to other writers and teachers, my fees are very low, but hesitate to charge what I should. However, I must. The cost of living has increased and my fixed income has not. 

Lexie loves to ride in her car seat where she can see everything.

Plus--I have a second mouth to feed. Lexie eats like a small horse even though she is only 8 pounds. But the biggest expense of having Lexie is making my house and yard escape-proof. I  had a new gate built for my upper deck because she jumped the other one any time I left her out. I have to replace the carpet on my stairs and upstairs office because she thought the carpet was her special place to potty. All of this has been costly. But when she cuddles up with me and looks at me with those sweet eyes, I know I will work as long as I have to if it helps me keep this lovely little thing safe and happy, and keeps me from being angry at her for soiling my floors. She is a year old now and she is good about going outside but it is too late for my carpet. 

My goal is to make my life more stress-free and to spend more time with those I love. That will mean taking off some of my hats, I think. At least I am realizing that I need to take more time for me - to rest, to sit on my deck and enjoy my garden, to read some of the many books I've stacked up and never get to, and to watch my little dog play. Time passes way to fast. I have books to write and publish and the days grow short when you reach September. 

How Can I Have More Fun?

This past weekend, I found time to work on organizing my office. It is not ready to show, mind you, but it is far better than it was. I learned something through all the tossing and stashing and filing --I need to clean out my closet so I will have a place for those boxes sitting on the floor of the office.

I also heaved a big sigh of relief as I listed my priorities for the coming summer. I am going to do more things for fun! When I had Barry with me, we always found time to play - to go on the lake, take a day trip, go to a new restaurant for lunch, take in a mountain festival such as the Highland Games coming up in Blairsville, GA. I realized how I have become obsessed with my work. I enjoy what I do, but everyone needs time to play, to get away from everyday life. 

Relinquishing responsibilities for Coffee with the Poets, the planning and promoting of the monthly event, has been extremely helpful and now, Robert King, poet, editor and former publisher of FutureCycle Press has set up a new and improved online presence for Netwest. I am excited to see what he has done and will get a tour of the new website tomorrow. Although I will have administrative privileges on the new site, he will do most of the work. I can't thank him enough. 

I have a few more sessions of my Healing Through Writing classes at my studio. This is a great class with some delightful students who are enthusiastic and willing to try new things. I don't plan to teach an ongoing class again until next spring. My schedule for Writers Circle Studio is full for the season. We have some excellent teachers of writing and poetry such as Scott Owens of Hickory, NC, Karen Holmes of Atlanta and Hiawassee, GA, Carol Crawford of Blue Ridge, GA, Robert Lee Brewer, editor for Writers Digest from the Atlanta area, and Will Wright, poet, who was a big hit with our group last year.

I am continuing as Interim Program Coordinator for NCWN West (Netwest) and hope this office will be filled by July. My recommendation for the job is Ellen Schofield. She has a beautiful family history blog, writes well and is willing to take the time needed to lead our organization. I am impressed with all the letters of praise for her past work. 

My students plan a memoir critique group which we hope to get off the ground soon, and I am still very interested in organizing a book club to read only regional writers, those who are published by small independent presses or even those who are self-published. I see the frustration of the writers who can't find a marketplace for their books, as well as the book stores who are afraid of ordering  books from unknown authors and independent presses who can't afford to take returns. Perhaps as a book club we can filter out the best books from those that aren't too good, and recommend them either online or to shops in the area.

Tonight I received word from Scott Owens that Poetry Day at Catawba College in Hickory, NC will be April 26, 2014. I am so happy to be a part of this event, thanks to Scott, and will definitely plan to be there.

I am fortunate that my life is filled to the brim, filled with interesting people, interesting projects, and things to look forward to. I never get bored, just tired. And because of that, I need more time to relax and "smell the roses." Got any ideas for fun days for me? My list is not very long, yet.