Good-hearted people

These words were written by the late Dr. Charlie Council, in a yearbook at the school where he was principal.  This was written years ago, but much of it is still relevant to our lives today.

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Recently as I was unloading my grocery cart at my car, a woman I had never met stopped and asked if she could help me. 

Perhaps in a large city, I might have been suspicious of this offer, but in Hayesville, NC I knew it was one of my fellow residents of Clay County or surrounding mountain towns who made this offer. 

I often hear people say that is rare in these times, but I find it is not rare at all in my part of the country. I don't look pitiful and unable, but more than once I have had complete strangers offer to help me with my groceries.

I said to the lady who stopped to put the bags in the car, "I never turn down an offer of assistance." I smiled and she said, "I haven't done my good deed for the day so I am happy to help."

We struck up a brief conversation and I thanked her before she went on her way into Ingles. 

My sister tells me she thinks that it is unusual and is not likely to happen at her store in Roswell, GA just north of Atlanta. I think it is kind of people to want to do some simple thing for another person, but it is also impolite and maybe rude to turn someone down when they want to give you help. I am always gracious and appreciative, like my mother taught me, to those who lend a helping hand. 

Once a man came from two cars away to help me with my groceries. He saw me unloading my cart and decided he would help me. I am grateful that I live where I don't have to be afraid or concerned when a stranger offers to help me. 

I think I wrote about the time a woman went out in the rain to bring my car up to the door of the store and then helped me load my groceries into it. I don't know if you have had these kinds of experiences in your town or neighborhood, but if you have, I would love to hear about them. 

I want us to hear more about the good people, the kind-hearted people, the generous people in our lives. We hear and see so much on social media and TV about bad people, unscrupulous people, scammers, and mean-spirited people. 

But I come into contact with far more good people than bad. I don't think I have been singled out to receive kindness and caring from my fellow man. Surely others receive these nice gestures as well

I appreciate the lady at the fast food place who thinks my little Lexie is cute and asks, "Can I give her a piece of bacon?" That was a first for me. At United Community Bank and at Walgreen's drive-through window, Lexie knows she will receive a small treat. She sits on the console patiently wagging her tail in anticipation. I take time and we watch my little buddy enjoy her treat. The lady behind the window and I share a brief moment of joy.

A good friend of mine said, on her blog today, that January 6 when the Capital was attacked by Americans made such an impact on her that she decided to move abroad and live in another country where politics has not divided the population as it has here. I understand and am concerned that anger and bitterness and fear have driven a wedge between friends, families, and communities, but I know our political differences have not turned us into bad, uncaring, and mean people. I see so much goodness in those who differ with me on politics, who differ with my religion, and who don't even speak my language, that I have hope for us. I hope we can bind our wounds and stop listening to those who would divide us, who want us to show the worst in ourselves. I look forward to a day when Americans trust our government and health system and follow the science that will enable us to defeat this pandemic. 

One of my favorite writers and bloggers is Lee Martin. He used this quote today by William James and it seems to fit what I am saying here.

“We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.”  

Do you have hope for a better tomorrow? Leave me a comment and tell me what you think.

Many Kinds of Grief

A Gift Returned

By Glenda C. Beall

 

I hear him singing on the deck,

That rich baritone that won me

the first day we met.

Like Sinatra’s fans I mellowed

as I listened to those tones.

 

Music-making was his talent

taken for granted like breathing

and the beating of his heart until

the surgeon’s knife nicked a nerve.

 

We both wept, losing more

than if he’d lost a limb.

His voice is who he is,

has always

been.

 

The purple wreath of grief hung

over us a year or more until

one day the notes rang true

above the strum of his guitar,

a lovely instrument restored.

Most Americans feel threatened and frightened - Why?

We all seem to be frightened and uncertain these days. We live in a culture that has to blame someone for everything that happens. When we feel threatened and afraid, we don't behave normally.

Years ago someone invented the term, Fight or Flight, and it seems so many people are doing just that. The stress we are dealing with now often makes us want to fight, call others bad names, criticize anyone we don't agree with, even lie about others to prove a point.

This stress, fear and uncertainty is dividing families, bringing out the worst in us. Even my dearest friends who are good, caring and loving people use phrases like  I hate him and I have felt myself so angry I am sure my blood pressure rises. When we get upset with things we can't do one thing about, it depresses us.

Since election day here in the United States, I have withdrawn from the real world as much as possible. I am sick of the name calling, the mean-spirited nature presented on TV.  

Brene' Brown says our media frightens us with all the news we see and hear. I know that is true. If the story is upsetting, it draws more viewers. If the media can bring forth a villain that unifies their viewers and brings out the worst in them, advertisers pour in money for ads on that network. In America, the bottom line is most important.  Already I see the villains will be Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. Just today I heard someone say horrible things about Harris. The same thing always happens when a woman manages to get ahead in this world. They don't want to give her the respect she has earned. 

 

Look what has happened to our world since FOX News and CNN openly took opposite political sides. Each feeds hate, fear and suspicion about leaders in the other party. Whether the opinions spoken are true or not, the viewers now expect to learn all they need to know from those on their preferred Cable News. If anyone is negative about the other party, tells some conspiracy tale, the viewer falls for it.

I heard a learned man on a podcast say we are in need of something other than the status quo which he says is not working. I assume he is speaking of our government in the United States which seems to influence people around the globe. Lots of ideas flow forth from the young, the rich, the middle class, men and women, marginalized groups and senior adults like me. In order to express these different ideas and solutions for a world that seems to be going to hell in a hand basket, we see protests and rebellions against those in power. Is it time to have multi parties in this country? Would that work?

I am being very quiet and staying home. I have to make changes in my life that I can live with and, hopefully, thrive with. It means I must put my health, both mental and physical, ahead of everything else and everyone else.

Being a person who has always helped those who need me, I will now only concern myself with my needs so I can thrive in the difficulties I presently face. 

I hope 2021 will be a different world than we have today.

I know we must continue to follow guidelines for COVID-19 and I am getting used to that. I hope we will have a vaccine that we can feel is safe. I hope all people will understand what is needed to bring this virus under control and will follow those rules to do that. Sadly, today I saw a woman at the drug store who was not wearing a mask, give me an angry look which I assume was because I was wearing a mask.

I heard that a new church opened here and already seventeen people who attended there have tested positive for the virus. The man who opened this church seems to think God will not let people get sick in church!! I heard this from someone and can't be positive this is true, but I do know the new church opened just recently down the road from where I live. 

I read this non-partisan article today.  https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/how-hatred-negative-partisanship-came-to-dominate-american-politics/

I think this writer is on course with what has happened and why we should be concerned about political parties and how politics has polarized our entire country. This negative partisanship can destroy our democracy if we don't wake up and make changes.

My readers, I hope you are doing well and enjoying life in spite of the present conditions. I tell myself every day that I have so much for which to be thankful.  My heart goes out to those who have lost jobs and who can't pay their rent or pay doctor bills. I worry about young college graduates who can't find jobs now and have to depend on their parents to support them. Their hopes and dreams have been dashed as they planned to start their journey to independence.  Next year will see a better future for all of us, I know, and that is what gives me hope.

As for now, we have the best weather here in the mountains of NC and my trees have turned red and yellow. I sit on my deck and soak up the autumn sounds, smells and sights. My doors and windows are open to welcome the slight breezes and cool air. I welcome the dryer air which is better for my breathing than high humidity. 

Tomorrow will be a better day and I will feel happier about my life, I'm sure. I have made plans for January doing something I enjoy. I hope you are enjoying life in your world and that we can share with each other on social media, on blogs, or by email. You are very important to me.

  

Tis the Season

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL MY READERS, MY FRIENDS NEAR AND FAR.

As we approach Christmas Day, a very special time each year to reflect on our good fortune, our losses, our happy times and our sad ones, we appreciate the reason for the season.

I think of this holiday as a time to renew hope in the world, to believe that we will survive as human beings because we are basically the product of our past, our forefathers and mothers who often struggled to provide the best way of life for themselves and for their world.

We have goodness in us even when we do bad things. When I hear the voices that speak out of fear, I try to turn them off. I believe that we still have strong people who won't give up and give in to the worst of human nature. 

I have seen the best in people recently, when out of kindness and caring, they left their comfort zone to give me aid when I most needed it. I know that people do this all the time, around the world, for no pay or recognition. While we hear the bad news day after day, we also hear of good deeds, good people who just want to help their fellow human being. I wish we heard more of the good than the bad, but sadly, bad news is good business for media today.

The worst part of this time of year is the begging that goes on, asking us  to give to those less fortunate, to give to political parties, to foundations and groups that help others, and the guilt we feel when we can only do so much. I get more requests for donations this time of year than any other time. 

I have a giving budget. Throughout the year, I give to the organizations I feel most passionate about, where I feel the most is needed. At Christmas, I don't receive a bonus or extra money to put into my bank account. December is not a month when I have windfalls that I don't need. As a senior adult with a fairly fixed income and too many bills to pay, I have very little cash to give to others. 

I do what I can all year long, and still keep funds to support myself. I don't want to become one of the people who needs charity. But it is a fact that those who have the least, give the most. Those who have the most and use the most resources, give the least to others. 

**************************************************************

When I see this art work out each Christmas as part of my sister's holiday decorations, I spend time just enjoying it, looking at the detail and seeing the work of love it really is.

My photo is not good, but you can appreciate the artistry of this folk art by my artist sister, Gay Moring. It is a gorgeous piece of work, in three pieces, on wood and the brush strokes are perfectly done. 

I hope you have joy and happiness and peace in your hearts and in your homes this special holiday season. I hope the new year brings you good health, love and less stress in your life. I hope you laugh every day. 

Try to find the humor in the worst of times, and you will come through better and with less pain. Even a trip to the ER can have moments of humor. That's a bit of wisdom from someone who knows.

Read this post on Senior Women for a glimpse of a Christmas that went awry.

http://www.seniorwomen.com/news/index.php/goosed-those-years-when-fate-takes-a-hand

How will you spend your holidays this year?

Excellence is not an act, but a habit

Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.
- Aristotle -

Aristotle is saying we must make a habit of good behavior in order to be virtuous and have excellence. This makes me think of some who have spoken often on Facebook, other social media and in opinion pieces in our local newspaper. Words used in inflammatory messages become a habit if done often enough. 

We hear people say we want peace, we want love and gratitude to reign. But often those people are the ones who post mean-spirited graphics, or write hateful letters to editors calling them names and telling them to go back to where they came from.

I recently subscribed to the Graham Star because I have two friends whose articles appear there. The first time I read it, I was surprised at how viciously local people verbally attacked a man who represented his homeowners association at the county commission meeting.

He was told to go back where he came from although he has lived in the area for many years. The editor of the newspaper wrote a fine article defending the man and defending many people who had moved to Graham County and provided jobs and done other good works for the long- time residents. I commend you, Gary Corsair.

The shoe is also worn on the other foot sometimes when people move to this area and claim the people who live here are different, strange or dumb. Of course that is not true. Even in our little town we have highly educated women and men, but they don't wear their educations on their sleeves. You would never know who has a PhD and who became successful running his father's business. Newcomers say they miss having a Barnes and Noble or complain there is nothing to do here in the mountains. Locals have always found plenty to do here with church, school, music concerts almost weekly and our fine local stage performances. 

When I think about the division in our country, I realize that it festers within our towns, cities and in the rural areas. Sometimes it is due to  fear of those who are not just like us. We assume that if someone comes from far away, they  can't want and enjoy the same things we do.

If we act the way we want others to act toward us, maybe we can make a habit of being fair and we can learn the art of being honorable. If we talk about others in a way that is kind, especially in front of children, we can make that manner of speaking a habit and we won't have to even think about it. The children might make the same habit.

 In families where parents fear those who are different from them, that fear is  passed on to their children. Fear brings out anger and prejudice toward others. I hear my southern friends talk about people from up north like they are from Mars. We don't have that many differences.

Mannerisms and accents set us apart, but I have lots of good friends who did  not grow up in the south. We can have fun discussing our backgrounds and the ways we are similar as well as how we are different. But deep down my friends who came from Michigan, Minnesota, Ohio, Illinois, New York and other states have the same values as the good, decent people I know who grew up in Georgia and North and South Carolina.

As I try to  understand the anger and violence in our country, the road rage, the fear of people who don't look like us and hate for authority, I ponder on how we, the people, can change those things. Maybe if we tried to put ourselves in the shoes of the people we feel are not up to our standards or our expectations?

When someone speaks from fear and anger, maybe we could discipline ourselves to refrain from reacting the same way. Why is that person afraid and why is he angry? I am not sure some folks even know why or to whom that anger should be directed.

In a road rage killing of a young child this week, perhaps the angry man would not have gotten out of his car and shot into the woman's car if she had not responded when he honked his horn. She thought he was angry because of her slow driving. If she had not honked her horn. If she had just driven on and not responded, maybe he would not have exploded and shot at her car.

Practice mature and thoughtful behavior long enough it will become as natural as breathing. Neither of those people acted like mature adults. He was angry at her driving habits, and she reacted, not  like a mature adult, but like a kid when she honked her horn back at him. The child paid the price.

We are what we repeatedly do. If we continually strive for excellence in our lives, it will become our way of  life.

This could be a New Year's Resolution for those who make them.


http://www.dailygood.org/2016/12/19/can-virtuous-habits-be-cultivated-/

Why are you afraid?

It seems so many people today are afraid - afraid of everything.

I remember living with fear. As a child I was constantly afraid although I was not conscious of it at the time. I hated to go to school because I was afraid I would make a mistake and embarrass myself in front of my class. I was afraid to speak to the kids I really liked because I thought they would turn away feeling I was not worthy to be in their space.

I was afraid of water and had dreams about drowning. For most of my life crossing a bridge gave me a hollow feeling in my middle. I un-hooked my seat belt because I feared I would be trapped in the car and unable to get out when the car was swallowed up by the river. 

As a teen, I was afraid I would succumb to a boy's advances and bring shame on my family. All my life until now, I was afraid of the dark. 

But the one thing I feared most of my life was the death of my mother. We had the good fortune to have no losses in our immediate family, but I saw grief in others. I saw my mother grieve and weep when her brothers and sisters died. I could not relate to that pain since I had not faced anything like it.

I thought that if my mother died, I absolutely could not go on. Those were the fears I had growing up. I did not have the fear of being bombed and hiding under my desk in school. That must have come after I left elementary school. 

I also had faith in my family. I believed that few things could happen to me that my family couldn't take care of. We had nine people and I never knew of any problem that could not be handily managed by some or all of us.

After marriage, I learned to fear other things. When my husband lost his job only a couple of years after we married, I was devastated. The fear of losing what little we had loomed large and threatening over me. And over the years we had ups and downs when I was afraid for our future, but I have never had the fear that my friends talk about today. This Doomsday attitude is new. 

I had faith that my family, including my four brothers, above, could handle things I could not. Playing the guitar is my husband, Barry, who always had my back.  

What is the world coming to?

People I know talk about the horrible situation the world is in today. They are afraid of a terrorist attack. Some think that our country is in danger from the Muslims who live here. Most of them don't know anything about the Muslims who live here. After all, they are different from us, so they must be bad.

Others say they can't sleep at night wondering if our country is going to be destroyed. People seem to live in such fear that I wonder how they go on with their daily lives. Speakers in the churches often play into this fear by telling the members that the world is going to end soon, and all who are not saved or born again Christians will burn in Hell. I heard a TV evangelist scaring his viewing audience recently before I turned away to another channel.

This is my sister, Gay, in a six-way hood I gave her for Christmas. It is not a Burka. I hope she isn't yelled at, mistaken for a Muslim woman.

The use of fear to manipulate people has become a major method to extort money, to persuade people to join questionable groups, to incite citizens to carry guns for protection, and to keep our entire country in a state of unrest. The only fear I have is that this building fear in the United States will cause us to elect unworthy leaders who will lead good people to do bad things.

This reminds me of the fear instilled in my uncle when he was a child. He said that in bed at night he could hear the older people in the family talking on the porch. This was in the late 1800s after the Civil war. He heard terrible tales of people being murdered by former slaves. My uncle was a little boy, but he tried to stay awake all night so he could protect his mother if the black people came to kill her. 

How sad that fear was embedded into this child's mind, an unnecessary fear, that he carried with him for a long time. It also led to his prejudice against black people as an adult. Fear leads to prejudice and hate. Hate leads to war. 

This fear that has arisen in our country, especially in the rural areas of the south, feeds on itself, and there is no reasoning with anyone who is convinced that every person of the Muslim faith is evil and is a terrorist just waiting to kill. 

The Macho man running for office spouting random statements about what he will do when elected is all mouth with no wisdom in the ways of government. Anyone can proclaim what they will do, truth or lie, but anyone who knows about how governments run, can attest to the fact that the wheels of government move slowly and must run carefully or our country can be thrown into a situation in which we cannot win and we cannot retreat. Important agreements with other countries can take months and even years to negotiate. 

I am happy to say that when I go to bed tonight I will not have any fear keeping me awake. This country has seen tough times, WWII, the great depression, Vietnam and the wars in the Middle East, and still most of us have a roof over our heads, food on our table, children who go to college, work of some kind, medical care when we need it, and Social Security in our old age. We have the freedom to speak, act and live wherever we want. That freedom is what many come to this country to gain. Nothing else. They just want freedom.

Women in this country are allowed to have all the children they want -- even when they can't afford to care for them. Women also have the legal right not to have children. They can drive cars, wear as much or as little clothes as they want, and work in any field where they qualify. In some countries women do not have any rights, any freedom at all. People all over the world want to share our freedom. 

Perhaps I am not afraid because I don't look for those negatives others seem to dwell on. I research anything that I question and learn all I can. What I find out usually tells me that the fears of others are unfounded because they only know half-truths or rumors. 

Perhaps I feel about our government the way I felt about my family. I trust that there are enough intelligent people in charge that when or if an emergency happens, everyone will work together to take care of it. I just hope that is not the only thing that brings folks in Washington D.C together in the coming year.

Another reason I don't tremble in fear is that I have endured death of my loved ones and I survived. My mother, father, brothers and a sister, but especially my husband, who was also my long time friend, have all gone and I lived through it. I can handle much more than I ever thought I could. It wasn't easy. It was very hard and seemed the end of me, but I made it, and actually thrived over the past few years. So, I appreciate every day and all I have left in life. 

Maybe that is also a gift of age. My generation lives with less stress, I read. We have learned by now what is worth our worry and what is not. I am no longer afraid of bridges, afraid of what others think of me, afraid I'll fall short or not be worthy. Time is too important to waste it being afraid.

I'll send you to a very good post I read tonight about a courageous young woman.

I was once the writer, Kelly Davio


Do you think that age helps with fears experienced when we were younger?

Blackberry Time Here in the Mountains

I read Tipper Pressley's blog, The Blind Pig and the Acorn every day. I subscribe and it is delivered right to my Inbox. She is a friend but also, I enjoy her posts. Today she reminded me of my childhood on the farm where blackberries grew wild and where my sister and I were often sent to pick them. Mother made blackberry pie or cobbler and she also made blackberry jelly. I can still taste that jelly on one of her soft delicious biscuits. I have never found any jelly in a store as good as that my mother made. Tipper has generously given me some of her jelly at times and it is delicious as well. Now if I just had Mother's good biscuits.

Mother and Daddy in front of the farm house where I grew up.

I am sharing a poem from my book, Now Might as Well be Then, about my blackberry picking.

Blackberry Patch

Mother's voice rises above my bawling.

"Stop pitching a fit and get your bucket."

I plant myself on the top step

bare feet refusing to move.

My dread lies coiled deep in the brambles.

He slithered out when I thrust my hand

in to grab a plump one.

Fear-prickled, I danced in terror

then streaked home screaming.

An ominous cloud shadows the sky.

Fat raindrops plop in the yard dust.

Reprieve. Blessed reprieve.

           -- Glenda C. Beall