FAMILY

Family is one thing that cannot be replaced. Whether we enjoy our family or whether we simply endure them at times, I find that family will go the extra mile when my life is in the dumps.

We all dreaded this Christmas knowing it would be sad without Barry, my dear husband who always made our present opening time one of laughter and joy. Knowing the children present were anxious to get to their own presents, Barry would deliberately drag out opening his gifts taking extra pains to cut each piece of tape, not tear the paper, and just when we thought he was ready to open the box, he would pretend he was going to tell us a tale, and he'd simply lay the box down on his lap as though he had forgotten it.
Little Jon and Paige would groan with frustration because we had a rule that only one gift was opened at the time. He pulled these same shenanigans with my nieces, Lee and Lyn. We adults got a kick out of seeing how many ways he could put off opening the gift in his lap.

We knew this Christmas would be one of the hardest we'd had to go through, and my sister and her husband tried to make it as painless for me as they could. Such dear and loving people. I knew they were sad just as I was but they kept up a positive and cheerful demeanor for me until after the gifts were opened and Gay raised her glass.

"To Barry," she said, and we couldn't hold back our tears.
 But it is all right to cry for those we love and miss. Why shouldn't we mourn? We love him and we miss him so much.

The evening ended however, with much laughter as the girls came and brought a cute and funny game. We sat around the table with our charming little great nephew who is growing up so fast, and the eight of us hooted and guffawed as we tried to explain words that flashed up on an electronic board. It reminds me of charades, but we could talk.

I am grateful for that short span of time when I was lifted up beyond the pall of grief and was able to forget the sorrow hanging over me all day. Laughter is a fantastic way to enhance or stimulate our endorphins, to balance the chemicals in our brains to lift depression.

June, Christmas, 2008

But the best gift I received today was the news that my sister, June, above, had actually walked yesterday after a serious back surgery two weeks ago.

That is a blessing we had all been praying for, and I believe now she will be able to go home and live independently once again.

Our lives take many turns and curves and ups and downs, but with family and good friends surrounding us with love and compassion, we can face whatever comes.

Post written December 26, 2009

Mother's Birthday, December 23

December 23 is my Mother's birthday. She and Aunt Mildred, her younger sister were both born on 12/23 but two years apart. I don't know when it became a tradition but Aunt Mildred and Uncle Lawson came out to our house on Christmas Eve and birthday presents were exchanged. For as long as I can remember, Mother's relatives who lived near came to our house on Christmas Eve and it became an impromptu party with home made eggnog. That was the only time liquor was allowed in our house when we were kids, except for the fruitcakes Mother made each Thanksgiving. And it was the only time my parents indulged in alcohol.
I was about 13 years old that Christmas Eve that Uncle Jimmy, Daddy's brother in law said, "Coy, I can drink you under the table." Everyone laughed and I paid little attention to what they were doing until Aunt Judy and Uncle Jim got up to leave. My father tried to stand up but fell back in his chair. Everyone laughed, but I was mortified. My father, the strict disciplinarian, the authority in my life who always taught us to do the right thing, was a pathetic, almost helpless man who had to be supported as he made his way to bed.
I ran into the kitchen and cried. Disappointed was a mild term for what I felt about my manly father. Mother explained that he was fine and there was nothing for me to be upset about, but she had no way of knowing that a 13 year old, seeing her father out of control for the first time ever, was frightened. Perhaps because I had heard him and Mother talk about our next door neighbor who drank up all his money and abused his wife, I assumed that any man who drank alcohol at any time or became inebriated, even if was due to a joke between friends, was a terrible person.

We had those parties for many, many years, but never again did my father have more than a couple of cups of eggnog. Over the years Uncle Rudolph and Aunt Red came out to the Christmas Eve gatherings. He was the uncle who was frugal and good as gold to his wife who suffered from a bad back. She said she had to wear a "corset" and had to sit in a straight backed chair, wear sensible shoes, and her husband waited on her and did almost all the house cleaning. My mother and father said he was one of the best men they ever knew. He called Gay and me P-jinks. He often slipped us a nickel as he teased us. He made two little shy girls feel special. Isn't it funny how little gestures from a grownup can change the way a child feels?

Today would have been Mother's 102nd birthday. I hope she and aunt Mildred, Uncle Rudy, and their spouses are all having a cup of eggnog laced with a little whiskey and I hope Daddy feels free to have more than two since I'm not up there watching and judging him. I raised my own cup with a little brandy just before bed tonight. Here's to you, my parents, and thanks for all you did, the sacrifices you made so that I'd have a good life.