The Power of Love

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”                                                 ---Jimi Hendrix   

I have been sick for the past week and ended up watching TV when I was not sleeping. With current news on all channels, I found it hard to watch anything that was not depressing.

While scrolling I found a conversation between Trevor Noah and a man named Simon Sinek. Evidently, Simon is widely known for his podcasts. I enjoy Trevor Noah and his outstanding memoir Born a Crime, so I tuned into the podcast. It was long but I was caught up in their conversation and didn't realize how long it was. 

The deep conversation between the two of them was an education for me. They talked about their fears, most embarrassing moments, what they liked, and didn't like, and what they had in common. 

They discussed that few men have these big conversations where they are vulnerable with each other. Simon said he tells his male friends he loves them although, that is something most men will not do. The conversation was about the lonely man with no one he could simply talk to when he had a problem. Simon says men should be able to call a friend and not get advice, but have him listen, simply listen, and support. 

They talked about friendship and how important it is to make lasting friends. I was impressed when Steven said he was lonely and not for people to be around him but for someone who would just be with him. 

"Sit in the mud with me and not try to fix me," he said. How often have I felt that way? When Barry died, all I wanted from friends was for them to sit with me and listen to me as I grieved and tried to find how to go on. No one could fix me.

This conversation between these two men gave me much to think about. They freely talked about their hang-ups. Steven hates small talk. He looks for a corner when he enters a room full of people. Yet he is a very successful speaker and podcast host.  

Like many I know, they find it awkward meeting new people. I was so like them in my youth. I was convinced I was being judged by others, and I knew all my flaws. I convinced myself I was not worthy before I entered the room.

I admire anyone who can walk into a room full of strangers and begin conversations. My husband, Barry, was the best at meeting people. It was not long before strangers were friends. Today, I enjoy meeting new people. 

Now that I am older and more experienced with social situations, I understand that most people have hang-ups about social gatherings. But I no longer feel I am being judged and, if I am, I really don't care. It took years of feeling unworthy before I reached this point. 

Trevor and Steven's conversation moved on to dealing with people who disagree with you. Trevor feels there is room for this divided nation to talk to each other. I hope we can do that.

I am pleased I learned about this South African native who had a difficult childhood in apartheid because he was mixed race. He is concerned that people today who have more material comforts than generations before them, are so unhappy, miserable with their lives, and even suicidal. Perhaps struggle is missing in their lives. When we struggle we are more appreciative of what we achieve.

It proves that too much effort has gone into making money, buying more things, and feeling successful in their big houses. But these things have not made them happy. What a shame that so much effort, energy, and sacrifice is spent on physical things instead of building relationships with people they love. It is only when one grows old and realizes that he is alone or is leaving those he loves, that what he appreciates most are people who care for him, those he has had little time for. 

I saw this in the lives of loved ones. They worked hard and strived to be financially successful. I am grateful they realized their goals. But were their relationships with their families as good as they would have liked? I hope so. 

It seems that the goal in our country today is to be ambitious, selfish, and often greedy if it makes us wealthy. Parents today push their children to go to the best colleges they can afford, to meet others on the same path. Two educated upwardly moving people marry and live the American dream. They never meet or know anyone who is struggling to pay the rent. 

My father never worked to be rich or famous. He never wanted to be above others. He worked to make a living for his family. He wouldn't have known what to do with great riches. His needs were simple.

Young Coy Council

My mother wanted to own a nice car one day. Once all her children were grown, married, and on their own, she saved and scrimped until she could buy that car. We were so happy to see her drive her Cadillac. 

But her purpose in life was to care for her family. She raised kids who made her proud because they were good people. Her eyes lit up and a big smile crossed her face when someone praised her children. 

Parents have the most influence on their children and how they grow up. Trevor Noah quotes his mother all the time. She influenced him by her example. She taught him so much about generosity and caring although she worked and struggled in a country where she could not live with Trevor's father because he was white. When she went out with her son she had to pretend he was not her child. If it was known he was her own, he could be taken from her by the authorities because he was mixed-race.

Governments can make life so hard for the people they govern. 

Our world is filled with refugees who are fleeing dictators, gangs of thieves and murderers, and evil people in power. I awake each day with a prayer of thanksgiving. I am grateful that my life has been filled with love and caring people. I don't know how I could live if I was not surrounded by them. 

My Mother, Lois, when I was a girl

Mother taught me to love and what love means. She loved her brothers and sisters and loved her parents deeply. Growing up with love in her life, she showed us by example. 

At this time in our country when we have such terrible disasters, fires, floods, and hurricanes, all around us, I hope we can all find in our hearts to love, to appreciate, to be generous with what we can do to help. I hope the spirit of meanness that hangs over the USA will evaporate like fog in the morning sun.

This comes from Maria Shriver's recent post concerning the aviation disasters of the past week.

May we think about all the families devastated by this, who lost people that they loved. Let us try to remember that life is fragile, and that we must always do our best to make sure our interactions with one another are kind, loving, supportive because none of us ever know what’s gonna happen in life. So may we always treat each other with grace and with love.

Writing from Photographs

In my memoir classes, I often ask my students to use photographs as prompts to jog their memories for stories about the past. I also use photos to write poems. In the following poem, I used a lovely picture of my mother. I hope that you see the picture as you read the poem.
Below is a different picture of Mother. 

A Very Old Photograph

Shy with the camera,

she stands in her white sailor dress

one arm behind her back.

Her dark eyes, so much like mine,

glance right. Her lips shyly smile.

I wish I had known her then.

We'd have been friends,

going to pound suppers, singing

alto in the church choir.

She was loved as I was loved,

sheltered by Mama, strengthened

by her Papa's expectations.

How could she have imagined ageing?

Certainly not at fourteen

and looking so lovely.

She never thought she'd grow old,

lose her memory, and depend on me,

her daughter, to care for her.

              -- Glenda C. Beall

Lois Robison age 14

The Best Mother - and the Worst Mother

Today is Mother's Day. Every day should be Mother's Day. A good mother is the most valuable person in a child's life. A bad mother or a lack of a mother can have the worst possible effect on a child.

My Mother at 14, Lois Robison

Lois Robison Council

As we recently celebrated family with a gathering of my siblings and descendants of my parents, my mother's spirit was there, I know. I am convinced her purpose in life was to give her children the very best opportunity to live a happy life. She wanted me to grow up healthy because I had many childhood illnesses. She feared I would be hurt because I wore my feelings on my sleeves, and she saw how I could plummet to the depths of despair when someone hurt me. 

Like most mothers who love their children, she would have taken all pain from me and suffered it herself if she could. A good mother is selfless with her children. My friends said they wished she were their mother, not because she was easy on us, but because she was "motherly".

Not cut out for motherhood

I have seen women who don't seem to have the motherhood gene. A woman who lets a man come between her and her child is not a good mother. A woman who refuses to see that her boyfriend or husband abuses her child is a failure at motherhood.

Some mothers love their child, but don't enjoy their child. Mothers who can't show love, don't cuddle or hug a child, who are cold toward their child, teach them to be unfeeling and leave a lasting mark on that person. I have seen this behavior pass down through three generations. 

Unselfish Love

Mothers who love their children and show it, raise loving adults. That was my mother - the most loving person I have ever known. My sisters and I learned to love unselfishly. That is why on Mother's Day and every day, I think about my mother and what she did for me, gave me and taught me. Even now, after all the years she has been gone, I long to climb into her lap and feel her arms around me, smell the particular odor of her clean dress, her skin and the Ivory soap she used. Just a short time there cured most of my ills, and I am sure she would cure the sadness and sorrows of life now.

If I'd had children, I wanted to be exactly like my role model, the best mother in the whole world.