Good-hearted people

These words were written by the late Dr. Charlie Council, in a yearbook at the school where he was principal.  This was written years ago, but much of it is still relevant to our lives today.

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Recently as I was unloading my grocery cart at my car, a woman I had never met stopped and asked if she could help me. 

Perhaps in a large city, I might have been suspicious of this offer, but in Hayesville, NC I knew it was one of my fellow residents of Clay County or surrounding mountain towns who made this offer. 

I often hear people say that is rare in these times, but I find it is not rare at all in my part of the country. I don't look pitiful and unable, but more than once I have had complete strangers offer to help me with my groceries.

I said to the lady who stopped to put the bags in the car, "I never turn down an offer of assistance." I smiled and she said, "I haven't done my good deed for the day so I am happy to help."

We struck up a brief conversation and I thanked her before she went on her way into Ingles. 

My sister tells me she thinks that it is unusual and is not likely to happen at her store in Roswell, GA just north of Atlanta. I think it is kind of people to want to do some simple thing for another person, but it is also impolite and maybe rude to turn someone down when they want to give you help. I am always gracious and appreciative, like my mother taught me, to those who lend a helping hand. 

Once a man came from two cars away to help me with my groceries. He saw me unloading my cart and decided he would help me. I am grateful that I live where I don't have to be afraid or concerned when a stranger offers to help me. 

I think I wrote about the time a woman went out in the rain to bring my car up to the door of the store and then helped me load my groceries into it. I don't know if you have had these kinds of experiences in your town or neighborhood, but if you have, I would love to hear about them. 

I want us to hear more about the good people, the kind-hearted people, the generous people in our lives. We hear and see so much on social media and TV about bad people, unscrupulous people, scammers, and mean-spirited people. 

But I come into contact with far more good people than bad. I don't think I have been singled out to receive kindness and caring from my fellow man. Surely others receive these nice gestures as well

I appreciate the lady at the fast food place who thinks my little Lexie is cute and asks, "Can I give her a piece of bacon?" That was a first for me. At United Community Bank and at Walgreen's drive-through window, Lexie knows she will receive a small treat. She sits on the console patiently wagging her tail in anticipation. I take time and we watch my little buddy enjoy her treat. The lady behind the window and I share a brief moment of joy.

A good friend of mine said, on her blog today, that January 6 when the Capital was attacked by Americans made such an impact on her that she decided to move abroad and live in another country where politics has not divided the population as it has here. I understand and am concerned that anger and bitterness and fear have driven a wedge between friends, families, and communities, but I know our political differences have not turned us into bad, uncaring, and mean people. I see so much goodness in those who differ with me on politics, who differ with my religion, and who don't even speak my language, that I have hope for us. I hope we can bind our wounds and stop listening to those who would divide us, who want us to show the worst in ourselves. I look forward to a day when Americans trust our government and health system and follow the science that will enable us to defeat this pandemic. 

One of my favorite writers and bloggers is Lee Martin. He used this quote today by William James and it seems to fit what I am saying here.

“We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.”  

Do you have hope for a better tomorrow? Leave me a comment and tell me what you think.

Civility – are we losing it in our country?

If we go by what we see on television and on social media, most people in the United States have become downright nasty in their speech and behavior to others.

I seldom, if ever, encounter rude people in my everyday life. In fact, I am the recipient of acts of kindness and civility everywhere I go. Just this week at the grocery story, a man, who was checking out ahead of me, turned and unloaded my cart for me. We struck up a conversation, and I found he was a native of my county, born and raised here in Clay County, NC. I had been told when I moved here over twenty years ago that the natives did not like outsiders and did not welcome us warmly. I found that not to be true for Barry and me.

My friends and I talk about the random acts of kindness we receive from strangers. Michelle said two women at Home Depot, not part of their staff, helped her load stone pavers into her car trunk. They were walking by and saw her tackling the chore all alone and jumped right in to help. At first I thought this is because we live in a small town and those who live here are less afraid to get involved. But my sister, who lives in Atlanta, had two meals in restaurants paid for by strangers. Another friend said she drove through a fast food restaurant and found that her bill had been paid by someone in the car ahead of her.

Another incident recently at a local restaurant was an example of people caring about others and showing it. I came in alone to a small restaurant in our town about 7:00 PM. I waited for the waitress and when she did not appear, I began looking around to see if I could find anyone to take my order. Three men who wore shirts labeled with the name of a landscaping company sat in a nearby booth. One of them noticed I was waiting for help.

“Can we help you?” he asked.

“I was looking for the waitress so I can order,” I said.

“She just walked out a few minutes ago. She quit.”

“Oh. How do I get service?” I asked.

He stood up and came over to me. “What can I get you? We’re trying to help and can get you something to drink.”

Eventually the owner came out of the kitchen and took my order. But to my surprise, several people who had been eating, got up and cleaned tables, their own and others. No one made a big deal of it. They just did it. The owner accepted the help with no great fanfare.

These kinds of things are proof to me that we are not the angry, mean, foul-mouthed population we see on television and on Facebook and Twitter.

I don’t know what is happening, but I think that because of the mean spirited rhetoric we hear on TV and the ugly name calling by our current president, most of us who were brought up to be civil and to be polite to others feel that the only way we can show we don’t fit into the mold of incivility is to show kindness to others.

I am leery though of what our future holds. I hear younger people speak about how mean people are. I see that “me, me, me” attitude in some. Many are caught up in their issues and never think about what is difficult for others--relatives, neighbors and friends. I have been fortunate to have dear neighbors who helped me so often, especially after Barry died. I don’t have some of those neighbors now and others who were there for me have their own health problems.

I hear adult children complain about older parents. They never stop to think what those elders face each day just trying to do the things that were once simple and easy.

A smile can bring out the best in those we meet.

My mother,
 Lois Robison Council

My mother was a perfect example of how to treat others. No matter what position a person held, my mother smiled and spoke nicely. Because of her attitude, service people went out of their way to help her. I find that works no matter where you are or what you need. A friendly smile and caring words always go further than giving orders.

I read this week about a man who, before hiring an employee, took him out to eat and watched how he behaved with the waiter or waitress. I think that is an excellent idea. I had a friend who talked to waitresses like they were robots with no feelings. She never looked at them, made eye contact with them or smiled at them. She gave her order in a commanding voice and complained if things were not to her liking in the same demanding way.

I hope the people of this country never lose the sense of civility. I hope the anger that has become so prevalent in our country will dissipate, and Americans will show love and caring for their fellowman. We have that in us, and it makes us feel good when we share it. Instead of screaming at people to go back to where they came from, what if we said, "Welcome to the United States."

Wouldn’t it be great if everyone said thank you, please and I’m sorry when it was appropriate? Do you thank people who hold open a door for you? Do you say thank you to the bag boy or girl at the grocery store? What about the voice that takes your order at McDonald’s? All day long they help people, but how many stop to thank them? Let’s try to see how many times we can find an opportunity to say thank you in a meaningful way this week. See how many random acts of kindness we can show toward others. 

Do you like historical films and TV series?

Are you a Downtown Abbey fan as I am? click here to see what is coming in Season 4.

With so much trash on TV and in the movies, I find Downtown Abbey such a refreshing series. I like historical films and TV shows that give us a glimpse into a time when civility was the norm. 

What about you? Do you like Downtown Abbey? Why?

CIVILITY - HAVE WE BECOME A CRUEL COUNTRY?

Watching Katie today as I sat home feeling under the weather, I heard the theme of her show was the meanness in our culture today, the put-downs of celebrities and anyone who is in the public eye. Guests on the show included the anchor woman who responded to the hateful e-mail about her weight; Tyra Banks and Lolo Jones, who have been fair game for those who enjoy the anonymity of sitting at home behind a computer screen while they spew bad things about people they don’t even know.

The subject is actually Civility and the lack of it in the world today. Why has a generation or more come up enjoying the embarrassment or humiliation of others? Criticism is popular now. In fact everyone is a critic of some kind. I never liked movie critics and never believed them because what they liked has never been what I liked. 

Should the creation of the Reality Show bear some blame in this? “A big check connected to bad behavior” is part of the problem according to the psychiatrist, Dr. Sherry Blake. Reminds me of training a dog. The media, I believe, has trained our society to be mean instead of kind as once we were. When Housewives of Anywhere are fighting and cursing and getting high ratings on TV, that coarseness grows in our community. Katie Couric called it a “culture of cruelty.”

I have always abhorred this type of behavior, even when my own brothers played pranks on their peers, on their girlfriends, and even their own brothers. The jokes were cruel and mean spirited, not funny as the jokesters believed. 

Mean behavior brings success in our society today, especially when it comes to competition. Lolo Jones, Olympic athlete, says she  concentrates on the good things people say, those who support her, and ignores the others. Competitors in politics pay millions for mean spirited ads portraying each other as buffoons or liars.

I find so many good people in my life, and in my circle of friends, that I can’t imagine the pain of having others attack me verbally and publically.

Today as I pampered myself, I called a neighbor who sells eggs from her own chickens. I’d never met this woman, but I ordered a dozen eggs and told her I was not feeling like driving today, but was going to call a young man who sometimes ran errands for me, and I would get him to pick up the eggs.

Elizabeth insisted I not call anyone. She said, “I’ll be over in a little while to bring your eggs.” 

When she arrived I offered to pay her extra for delivery. She would not accept it. “I’m glad to bring these to you,” she said, “and if you need me to go pick up a prescription for you or anything you don’t feel like getting out for, I’ll be glad to do it.”

Elizabeth is living with her father and caring for him because he is not well. She is already a caregiver, but is willing to take time to do for me, a perfect stranger. Those are the people we need to hear about. The Elizabeths of this world need a format for their voices, but they are usually too busy caring for others to send out Tweets or post on Facebook. 

Let’s use media, the Internet, to tell the good things that take place every day by good people. Find ways to show kindness because everyone out there in the world has insecurities, self-esteem that could use a boost, and even if we only give a smile we can brighten the life of a stranger. 

Do you have any good news about kindness? Please share it with all of us.