What is joy? What is happiness?

I received an email recently with an article by Dr. Angela Williams Gorrell . The following is an excerpt from that article.

I want to be clear: Joy is not the same as happiness. Happiness tends to be the pleasurable feeling we get from having the sense that life is going well.

Joy, on the other hand, has a mysterious capacity to be felt alongside sorrow and even ― sometimes, most especially ― in the midst of suffering. This is because joy is what we feel deep in our bones when we realize and feel connected to others ― and to what is genuinely good, beautiful and meaningful ― which is possible even in pain. Whereas happiness is generally the effect of evaluating our circumstances and being satisfied with our lives, joy does not depend on good circumstances.

Happiness - a state of well-being and contentment

In the last year of Barry's life when he was dealing with cancer, he asked me.

"Have you been happy? Didn't we have a happy marriage?"

"Yes," I said, and I meant it. No matter how many times we disagreed, no matter how many times I complained that he didn't help me enough around the house, my life was generally happy most of the time. To live together for 45 years and not have upsets, arguments and feel anger toward each other at times is unbelievable to me. But, because we loved each other and knew we were in it for the long haul, we didn't let those times define our marriage, our lives. 

Barry and I knew we wanted only to be with each other, and we accepted the good and the bad, always trying to work out our differences to preserve our lives together. 

My wedding day. Our mothers, Helen Beall and Lois Council on my left. To Barry's right are Gay Council and Richard Beall. 

A Harvard study on happiness followed a large group of people until they were 80 years old. The study proved that large financial success was not what made people happy. The study group said their happiness came from being in a good relationship and knowing there was always someone they could turn to, they could depend on to be there for them. The men who were in good relationships in their fifties were healthier in their eighties.

Knowing I was there for him and he was there for me was the basis for our long relationship. Trusting each other and knowing we never planned to leave grounded us and made us happy.

Joy is another thing, I think. 

Watching my little dog doing something especially cute, funny or loving brings me joy. Looking at my phone and seeing my sister is calling brings me joy. 

I used to find great joy in receiving notice that a poem had been accepted for publication, or a short story was going to be published. I hope to find that joy again soon.

Before the pandemic, I experienced joy visiting and  lunching with my dearest friends.

I remember feeling extremely joyful after attending choir practice on Sunday afternoons at the First Presbyterian Church in Albany, GA. The choir director, the members of the group and singing lifted me to a higher level of joy on those days. 

Most parents experience joy when a child is born and when their children have special moments in their lives. On a daughter's wedding day, her mother finds joy in the event even if she is also feeling sad.

I remember my own marriage that way. Although I wept when my mother, sisters and brothers hugged me at my reception, my day was filled with joy. 

"joy is what we feel deep in our bones when we realize and feel connected to others ― and to what is genuinely good, beautiful and meaningful." 

Do you remember special moments of joy? 

What brings you joy?