How We Face Change Makes a Difference

Do not fear what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you then and every day.  He will either shield you from suffering or will give you unfailing strength to bear it.                              St. Francis de Sales

This is an excerpt from a prayer sent to me when a loved one died. I think it is good to remember that when we have hardships, we can't blame ourselves, give up on ourselves, or become a victim, but look at them as changes in our lives that we must face and hope that we can accept these changes no matter how difficult, and move on to become stronger. 

We learn to find a way around the boulders in our path. We can't sit down on the trail and give up. We can't curl up and wait for someone to rescue us. A hard blow might knock us down, and we might need some time to get our breathe again, to focus on where we are headed, but while we hope for rescue, we work tirelessly to make our way through the pitfalls and over the walls that would imprison us. 

We aren't likely to learn much from being rescued by others. We learn from our own efforts to save ourselves, what works for us and what does not. Some say failures are necessary for us to be successful.

Changes in life will come, but we can adapt, and we must adapt to them if we want to live a fulfilling life.

When I was a teenager, I had an overwhelming fear that my mother would die. That stayed with me through adulthood. When she died at the age of 80, I still had that fear and thought I could not live without her in my life. Learning to go on was extremely difficult for me, but I did and grew stronger once I knew I could. Since her death and my father's death, I lost three brothers and one sister, people I dearly loved. I miss them every day. 

The hardest loss was the death of my husband in 2009. But I knew I had to go on living and somehow make a fulfilling life for myself. Accepting the many changes brought about by his death brought out the tiger in me. I could not and would not let his passing make me weak or needy. Anger filled me up and brought out negativity that I didn't realize lurked inside me. 

I turned to those who had been through my experience. I read blogs and books by people who had lost children, lost husbands and wives and those who had suffered other losses. Their pain was no different from mine. These writers had overcome their fury and accepted the difference in their lives. That was how I learned that change is not always easy, but when we accept that we can't return to what was, we can go on and make the best of our lives. We make new goals and find new purpose.

Do not look forward in fear to the changes in life; rather look to them with full hope as they arise.

The above is also from the prayer by St. Francis de Sales. Even if you are not a believer, these words hold true.

I found that the changes taking place in my health as I grow older depressed me and caused me to wonder if I could continue with my work - writing, teaching and leading our writers group. As I searched for answers from therapists, doctors and others, I felt like giving up. I feared I would become bedridden due to the pain I suffered every day.

However, I know that people must take responsibility for their health as well as all aspects of life. So I have not given up, but reached out to others for advice, researched methods of treating my problems, and now I look forward to teaching a writing class in March and hosting writers and poets at my studio in the coming year.  

Be at peace and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations.

Until next time, embrace the changes in your life, they are inevitable.