CIVILITY - HAVE WE BECOME A CRUEL COUNTRY?

Watching Katie today as I sat home feeling under the weather, I heard the theme of her show was the meanness in our culture today, the put-downs of celebrities and anyone who is in the public eye. Guests on the show included the anchor woman who responded to the hateful e-mail about her weight; Tyra Banks and Lolo Jones, who have been fair game for those who enjoy the anonymity of sitting at home behind a computer screen while they spew bad things about people they don’t even know.

The subject is actually Civility and the lack of it in the world today. Why has a generation or more come up enjoying the embarrassment or humiliation of others? Criticism is popular now. In fact everyone is a critic of some kind. I never liked movie critics and never believed them because what they liked has never been what I liked. 

Should the creation of the Reality Show bear some blame in this? “A big check connected to bad behavior” is part of the problem according to the psychiatrist, Dr. Sherry Blake. Reminds me of training a dog. The media, I believe, has trained our society to be mean instead of kind as once we were. When Housewives of Anywhere are fighting and cursing and getting high ratings on TV, that coarseness grows in our community. Katie Couric called it a “culture of cruelty.”

I have always abhorred this type of behavior, even when my own brothers played pranks on their peers, on their girlfriends, and even their own brothers. The jokes were cruel and mean spirited, not funny as the jokesters believed. 

Mean behavior brings success in our society today, especially when it comes to competition. Lolo Jones, Olympic athlete, says she  concentrates on the good things people say, those who support her, and ignores the others. Competitors in politics pay millions for mean spirited ads portraying each other as buffoons or liars.

I find so many good people in my life, and in my circle of friends, that I can’t imagine the pain of having others attack me verbally and publically.

Today as I pampered myself, I called a neighbor who sells eggs from her own chickens. I’d never met this woman, but I ordered a dozen eggs and told her I was not feeling like driving today, but was going to call a young man who sometimes ran errands for me, and I would get him to pick up the eggs.

Elizabeth insisted I not call anyone. She said, “I’ll be over in a little while to bring your eggs.” 

When she arrived I offered to pay her extra for delivery. She would not accept it. “I’m glad to bring these to you,” she said, “and if you need me to go pick up a prescription for you or anything you don’t feel like getting out for, I’ll be glad to do it.”

Elizabeth is living with her father and caring for him because he is not well. She is already a caregiver, but is willing to take time to do for me, a perfect stranger. Those are the people we need to hear about. The Elizabeths of this world need a format for their voices, but they are usually too busy caring for others to send out Tweets or post on Facebook. 

Let’s use media, the Internet, to tell the good things that take place every day by good people. Find ways to show kindness because everyone out there in the world has insecurities, self-esteem that could use a boost, and even if we only give a smile we can brighten the life of a stranger. 

Do you have any good news about kindness? Please share it with all of us.

BLUE HAWAII - Green and Yellow and Clean

Recently I had the opportunity to travel to the state of Hawaii as the guest of my sister and brother-in-law. Gay and Stu had been there before, but they gave me the experience of seeing that far off land I’d never seen and will not likely see again. The plane trip is far too hard to get over. 

We arrived in Honolulu and stayed one night in a hotel across the street from a beautiful Hilton. Because of my problems with indoor air pollution, I dreaded entering the Ramada Inn, thinking they would likely have sprayed chemical fragrance in their lobby and in the rooms. But I was surprised to find the hotel smelled clean -- not artificially deodorized with chemicals. No scented soap or personal body care products bothered me in the room. My first impression of Hawaii was great.

We flew to the island of Kauai the next day. We arrived at the airport in Lihue. My hosts said this was the least commercialized of all the islands. I loved the drive to the Marriott on Poi Pu Beach. Tall grass grows wild on the roadsides. I was told it was cane grass or buffalo grass. We passed wide open green fields with fat cows and sleek horses. We drove through a tunnel of trees and some small towns before reaching the coast. So much green, so many shades of green, and I didn't see one beer can on the side of the road.

It seems the residents of Kauai know the value of a clean ocean, clean air to breath and the natural world in which their native people depended upon for many generations. Never have I seen people so dedicated to recycling and caring for the environment.  

Plastic bags are banned on Kauai. 

Can you imagine that? If a store uses bags, they use paper and it is plainly printed on the side, Recycle.

I found the best method of recycling is a little fabric item called a market bag made by a lady selling them in a booth. It unzips and opens to a bag as big as one of the tote bags we find at the grocery store. This market bag can easily be refolded, zipped and carried in my purse so I will have it with me all the time. I wish I had bought several of them. 

Some retail stores in Kauai don’t offer bags at all. If you buy a blouse, you take it home in your hands – no plastic to fill the landfills and clutter the rivers, streams and oceans. Coincidentally, I heard tonight that our oceans are so dirty, oysters are dying out. The oyster farmer said this is like the canary in the coal mine. If the oyster goes, other things dependent on clean water will go also. Yes, I know he didn't say it was plastic in the water that was harming marine life, but all the junk adds up.

sunset on Poi Pu Beach

Gratefully, I breathed in the ocean air of Kauai and gazed on the blue water as I watched birds, some familiar, but most unfamiliar, in the sky, on the ground, and lighting in boughs of yellow and orange hibiscus bushes, and the multitude of flowering shrubs everywhere. 

It was easy to forget my responsibilities and worries. I couldn't have been more removed from reality--unless I had landed on the moon. 

Moon River was our Song

Having been out of the country, I mean, off the mainland, for ten days, I am catching up on news. The death of Andy Williams, although I knew he had cancer and it was expected, brought a mist to my eyes and a lump in my throat.
 As I look at him on film on TV, a young handsome man in 1962, I feel I have lost a friend. Many people feel that way, I'm sure. He was a celebrity who appealed to all ages.

He had a beautiful smile

Imagine Andy with one front tooth  missing.

Our song was Moon River, Andy’s theme song and the music from the film Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Although my talented husband sang many of the good songs of the day, Barry never sang Moon River.
Could it have been that Andy Williams did such a great job, and I loved the song so much, he didn't want to be compared to that voice?
Barry knew how much I admired Andy, and he pretended to be jealous when I raved over my favorite singer  He even blacked out Andy's front tooth on a handsome album cover.
 Andy Williams' voice was the best of any popular singer at the time. Some say he should have been rated higher than Frank Sanatra, but Andy lived a more quiet life. Other than the scandal brought on by his first wife’s killing of her lover after she and Andy were divorced, no media smut tarnished his name.
He received 18 gold and three platinum albums over his long career, and in 2009, the crooner published the autobiography, "Moon River and Me: A Memoir."

President Ronald Reagan called Andy's voice "a national treasure."
I totally agree.
Although Andy was older when I finally saw him in person, the thrill of watching him perform his music on stage brought back early memories of my life with Barry, dancing to Andy’s songs, back when we danced. And I’ll always remember how we never missed the Andy Williams Christmas Show. That show created such joy and tenderness, with Oh Holy Night, and Sleigh Ride, and so many beautiful scenes we all dreamed about, especially we who lived in south west Georgia and never saw snow at Christmas. When I watch one of Andy's Christmas shows on PBS now, I get nostalgic.
The family aspect of Andy’s show made us love him more. His parents and his children always appeared on his show, along with his wonderful singing brothers. I related to this large loving family, as did millions of Americans.

I had four singing brothers also. They even enjoyed local celebrity on WGPC radio in Albany, Georgia.

We will not likely see again the gentleness and humor, the fantastic voice, the complete talent of one such as Andy Williams. I will miss him.

Were you a fan of Andy Williams? Do you have another favorite singer?

Traveling gets harder as time goes by.

Traveling can be fun. It is difficult as we get older. Just as we get used to the time change, we have to head home again. 

Then wehave to acclimate ourselves to six or more hours time difference again. 

My solution. Stay on vacation for several weeks, maybe months, then come home and hibernate for a week to get over the trip.

September 29, Poets come together and read

On Saturday, September 29, poets around the world will gather and share their poetic thoughts on the state of our culture, our society and what changes we want to see take place.

This is not a political event. Anyone can read their work. There will be poems on peace, on the environment, on marriage, divorce, children, and so many other things we poets think about. The Open Mic begins at 2:00 p.m.

If you live in the south west part of NC or the north east part of Georgia, mark your calendar and come to the 100 Thousand Poets for Change to be held at Groves Enterprises, on highway 64, between Murphy and Hayesville, NC.

Look for signs.

Robert S. King of FutureCycle Press is hosting the event. Snacks and drinks will be available. Everyone is invited. Come and listen or come and share a poem or short prose piece.

Bring family and friends. There are over 700 events of this type being held on September 29. You will enjoy meeting other writers and poets, seeing old friends, and being a part of something that is becoming an annual happening in this country and around the world.

To help with planning, contact Robert King by email, rsking@futurecycle.org or Glenda Beall, nightwriter0302@yahoo.com and let us know you plan to be there and if you plan to read.

Common Grammar Mistakes You Hear in My Classes

I enjoy newsletters I subscribe to and Dana Cassells' is one of them. In a recent letter she listed the following link for writers.

http://www.copyblogger.com/common-grammar-mistakes/

Copyblogger has a good listing of common mistakes we writers make on our submissions. Many of them we talk about in my writing classes. If you are one of my students or former students, see which of these you have heard before.

Leave a comment telling me, please.

I love reading your comments to this blog. 

Speaking My Mind Late at Night

I shouldn't write a post for publication so late at night. Do you think differently late at night than in the light of day? I find I am more careful about what I say when the sun is shining, and at night I just let my hands write what my mind is thinking.

So what is on my mind tonight? Like everyone, I am thinking about who will win the presidency. Like everyone, I am thinking about which party will benefit me and those like me and can make our country the land of opportunity again. 

I have voted Republican and I have voted for Democrats. My problem with both parties is the extremists on both sides. Somewhere between the extreme, unbending conservatives and the extreme, radical liberals I wish for a little island that holds a government for those of us who don't hate anyone for their beliefs, who believe we own our bodies and our minds and can do with them as we want, who have compassion for the poor, feel generous toward those who need a hand up, but don't feel we are owed a college education, just the opportunity to work for one, and don't think loopholes should prevent corporations and the richest people in the country from paying their fair share of taxes. 

I do believe that English should be our country's language, and that those who come here to live should learn it and use it. Perhaps that is because I am too old to tackle the challenge of learning a new language right now.

I do believe that the teachers' unions have gone way, way too far and should be reigned in so that teachers can be fired and fired quickly when they do anything to seriously harm a child, mentally or physically. I know of a situation where a terrible teacher could not be fired, and was just sent from one school to another where she continued to fail her students as a teacher. 

Our health care system is sadly in trouble and I think the Affordable  Care Act is a great beginning to correcting some of our problems. I am happy that the "doughnut hole" which made it impossible for some retirees to continue with their medicine, is no longer a threat to those who have diabetes or other illnesses that require expensive prescriptions. Now, if only the drug companies can be forced to charge a reasonable price for the medicine we buy here in the United States. They don't charge other countries what we, in the United States, have to pay. Possibly that is because the  governments of those countries have a say in the prices that can be charged. Perhaps a little regulation of the drug companies here might be in order. 

I do believe that everyone who can afford it should have to buy health insurance. I don't think it is fair that those of us who have always paid for health insurance should have to pay extra for those who can afford it, but don't. I have friends who can afford health insurance but will not buy it. Their philosophy is that if they have an accident and have to go to the hospital, they can't be turned away. Those are the people who do not like the new healthcare act.

We need a common sense approach by government as to what is best for all of us, and I have trouble believing the wealthiest one percent has a clue to what my life is all about, what I worry about at night, what I fear and care about. Do they ever wonder what will happen to them when they are old, ill and need constant care? Of course not. They will have the best care money can buy. Some of us won't. And it isn't because we haven't worked hard and saved our money. 

I have seen my family and others who survived the Great Depression in the early 20th Century persevere through hard times and some of them became quite wealthy. But investigation will show they had a leg up somewhere. Perhaps it was the GI Bill that helped them graduate from college. Perhaps it was a Farmers Home Administration low interest loan that made the difference. In modern times young people in Georgia, my native state, took advantage of the Hope Scholarship fund, a government run program. 

I think it is interesting that the wealthiest people I have known usually voted Republican. I also noticed that racism played a large part in their choice of party. How many times have I heard people I love say mean spirited words about people who are different from them. One friend said to me, "We're going to vote that black S.O.B. out of there." Her comment told me she wanted him out of office because President Obama was not white. It had little to do with his politics. 

Racism is alive and well in this country and from what I read, it has flourished since Barack Obama became president. Did you notice that the Republican convention was almost completely filled with white people. The Democratic convention was filled with black, brown and all shades in between. At least the cameras of the media made it seem that way. I'm sure they related to President Obama more than to Mitt Romney. But there are white Americans who also relate more to the president.

I can't help thinking about the words of a writer friend of mine in a book she wrote called Simplicity. She decided she was a democrat because that was the party that seemed to help poor people, the folks who needed a hand up, much like Jesus did. Her father was a preacher and I feel sure she knew what the Bible said.

I'll be so happy when this election is over and done. I almost fear talking with some of my friends because they are extreme in their views and I don't like to discuss politics. Politics has become too personal with people. I know many folks watch the news channels all day, and before long, they are as angry or filled with hate as the talking heads on the TV. No point in trying to discuss issues with them. I don't think any of us can change another's political views.

Oh, I hope we will see peace and harmony again in this country as well as around the world, but I am afraid that is too much to expect.

Do you think we will ever be united again as a people? 

Will it take another terrible disaster here to make us all see each other as fellow Americans and to see how much we are the same instead of seeing only differences? 

Call for Submissions

Unteachable: An Anthology of Poets Outside the Academy

For the last fifty years teaching has become the default profession of poets in the United States. This anthology is to present the work of poets who do not teach. It is for bankers, carpenters, lawyers, taxi drivers, machinists, clerks, waiters, flight attendants, surgeons, musicians and anyone else who reads, writes and publishes outside of the academy.

Please submit 1-3 poems and a biographical statement to Mike James at williamdijames@aol.com. In the subject line, please type Anthology Submission. Poems may be on any subject and in any style. All submissions should be included in the body of the email, not as an attachment. Previously published are acceptable if the poet retains copyright. 

Payment will be one copy of the anthology. 

A Good Day

A few days ago I sent out an email to three friends. "Join me in a Girls Only Day."

I wanted to get together with old friends who made me laugh. And laugh we did. We met at a steak house a couple of hours drive away, but in a central location for all of us. The food was excellent. We laughed so much that others in the restaurant stared and smiled. Our waitress liked us and said we could stay as long as we wanted. She even made a photo of the four of us. One of those friends today, my best friend, was my sister Gay. The other women we have known for thirty years. Before the fun began it was imperative that the serious talk take place. Illness, failing loved ones - we had to discuss, but not for long.

The recent stress in our lives evaporated while we caught up on Linda's new puppy and her husband's venture into making Andy a therapy dog. We found out that Sue's grandson had been recruited by the University of Georgia football team. I learned from the three of them where to eat in Hawaii, the delight of the fragrant air I would breathe when I stepped off the plane, and I revealed that my doctor had a time share in the same place where I will vacation this fall on my first visit to Hawaii. She had told me how beautiful it was and that I would not want to leave there. 

We laughed at ourselves, at our need to organize our homes, but our unwillingness to let go. The dread of someone throwing away our most precious possessions sent shudders up our spines.

We all agreed it had been way too long since we had spent time like this, visiting and enjoying each other. When we finally left the restaurant (the staff was preparing for the dinner crowd) we huddled outside, unable to make the final move to leave, showing photos on cell phones and telling more stories about the funny things that happen at funerals. We hugged and then finally climbed into our cars and headed home in different directions. 

My spirits had sailed aloft like a helium balloon. I didn't want the day to end. I drove past the street to my house and headed for our little town which was built on a square surrounding the original courthouse that stands waiting to be updated and made safe for gatherings. I parked and walked around the square, stopped in several places searching for a brick with our names and another in memory of my brother, Ray.We bought the bricks to help with funding the refurbishing of the courthouse some years ago.

Downtown, at six o'clock, was quiet as a church. Stores were closed. Everyone had gone home. The big shade trees seemed to hover over me, keeping me safe in the town I now call home,  continuing the warm feeling of love I had experienced with my friends.