Civility – are we losing it in our country?

If we go by what we see on television and on social media, most people in the United States have become downright nasty in their speech and behavior to others.

I seldom, if ever, encounter rude people in my everyday life. In fact, I am the recipient of acts of kindness and civility everywhere I go. Just this week at the grocery story, a man, who was checking out ahead of me, turned and unloaded my cart for me. We struck up a conversation, and I found he was a native of my county, born and raised here in Clay County, NC. I had been told when I moved here over twenty years ago that the natives did not like outsiders and did not welcome us warmly. I found that not to be true for Barry and me.

My friends and I talk about the random acts of kindness we receive from strangers. Michelle said two women at Home Depot, not part of their staff, helped her load stone pavers into her car trunk. They were walking by and saw her tackling the chore all alone and jumped right in to help. At first I thought this is because we live in a small town and those who live here are less afraid to get involved. But my sister, who lives in Atlanta, had two meals in restaurants paid for by strangers. Another friend said she drove through a fast food restaurant and found that her bill had been paid by someone in the car ahead of her.

Another incident recently at a local restaurant was an example of people caring about others and showing it. I came in alone to a small restaurant in our town about 7:00 PM. I waited for the waitress and when she did not appear, I began looking around to see if I could find anyone to take my order. Three men who wore shirts labeled with the name of a landscaping company sat in a nearby booth. One of them noticed I was waiting for help.

“Can we help you?” he asked.

“I was looking for the waitress so I can order,” I said.

“She just walked out a few minutes ago. She quit.”

“Oh. How do I get service?” I asked.

He stood up and came over to me. “What can I get you? We’re trying to help and can get you something to drink.”

Eventually the owner came out of the kitchen and took my order. But to my surprise, several people who had been eating, got up and cleaned tables, their own and others. No one made a big deal of it. They just did it. The owner accepted the help with no great fanfare.

These kinds of things are proof to me that we are not the angry, mean, foul-mouthed population we see on television and on Facebook and Twitter.

I don’t know what is happening, but I think that because of the mean spirited rhetoric we hear on TV and the ugly name calling by our current president, most of us who were brought up to be civil and to be polite to others feel that the only way we can show we don’t fit into the mold of incivility is to show kindness to others.

I am leery though of what our future holds. I hear younger people speak about how mean people are. I see that “me, me, me” attitude in some. Many are caught up in their issues and never think about what is difficult for others--relatives, neighbors and friends. I have been fortunate to have dear neighbors who helped me so often, especially after Barry died. I don’t have some of those neighbors now and others who were there for me have their own health problems.

I hear adult children complain about older parents. They never stop to think what those elders face each day just trying to do the things that were once simple and easy.

A smile can bring out the best in those we meet.

My mother,
 Lois Robison Council

My mother was a perfect example of how to treat others. No matter what position a person held, my mother smiled and spoke nicely. Because of her attitude, service people went out of their way to help her. I find that works no matter where you are or what you need. A friendly smile and caring words always go further than giving orders.

I read this week about a man who, before hiring an employee, took him out to eat and watched how he behaved with the waiter or waitress. I think that is an excellent idea. I had a friend who talked to waitresses like they were robots with no feelings. She never looked at them, made eye contact with them or smiled at them. She gave her order in a commanding voice and complained if things were not to her liking in the same demanding way.

I hope the people of this country never lose the sense of civility. I hope the anger that has become so prevalent in our country will dissipate, and Americans will show love and caring for their fellowman. We have that in us, and it makes us feel good when we share it. Instead of screaming at people to go back to where they came from, what if we said, "Welcome to the United States."

Wouldn’t it be great if everyone said thank you, please and I’m sorry when it was appropriate? Do you thank people who hold open a door for you? Do you say thank you to the bag boy or girl at the grocery store? What about the voice that takes your order at McDonald’s? All day long they help people, but how many stop to thank them? Let’s try to see how many times we can find an opportunity to say thank you in a meaningful way this week. See how many random acts of kindness we can show toward others.