Do you know how hard it is to stay positive when everything around you seems to be soooo negative? If you have waited for a doctor's report on a mammogram or ex-ray or biopsy, you know the way your heart seizes up and you wonder if it will ever go back to its ka-thump, ka-thump sound you've always known. The waiting is the worst. Once you know the diagnosis, even if it is bad, you can go on, make plans, do something.
But waiting for days and weeks while symptoms grow worse and your faith falters; well, that takes a huge toll on your emotions and even your physical health.
On Thursday my sweet husband spent a grueling day riding hours in the back seat of a car in order to spend three hours or more in a hospital getting a PET/CT scan to see if he was free of cancer. While I tried to keep my mind occupied, keep a pleasant face for him while he groaned in pain from his swollen leg, the tears and the anxiety hovered just under his radar.
Today we received the report - No Lymphoma in his body. What a relief. I wanted to shout and celebrate, but first I gave thanks. The Big C is a death sentence in the minds of most people. This report could have gone either way, but it went the right way and now I can sleep a little better. But we are not free of fear just yet. Now we head for Atlanta to see yet another doctor who, we hope, can find the reason for the extreme pain BB endures.
Tonight I am also thankful for pain meds that give BB peace and sleep for the first time in many weeks.
Isn't life an adventure? We never know what we might face before the next dawn lightens our world. We might be rewarded with the best ever words or we might be knocked to our knees with terrible news. But we do know, as human beings, we will process the event, decide on a path, and continue on with life. That is just what we do.
Barry and me at a south western party in the eighties.