What do you say?

A few years ago, after my husband died. I saw a call for submissions for this book, On Our Own, Widowhood for Smarties. I decided to send in some of my poetry I had written while dealing with my grief.

I am proud to have been accepted for this anthology. The work in this book is not only poetry, but short pieces by those who have lost loved ones and how they are going on with their lives. A blog reader recently said she had ordered the book when her husband died. I think it is good to give to friends who have lost a husband or a wife, a life partner or even for children of widows because they don't often understand. It is not all sad. Some of the stories are humorous and all are of value to those who are in mourning or who are grieving.

As I told my dinner companion last night, when you have been married 45 years, you become one entity. When one of you die, the one that is left is like half a person for awhile. It takes a long time to make the half that is left work like it should. 

I am not sure if this book is still in print. The book was published by Silver Boomer Books out of Abilene, Texas. I have three so if you want one, let me know. 

Here are some pieces in this book.

Widowhood: Some Notes by Cathy Douglas

1. Nobody knows what to say to a person in grief, especially someone they don't know well. I used to wonder what to say, too. I suggest "condolences," or some related phrase, because it gives the person an easy reply: "Thank you." If you say "I'm sorry," it is awkward, because there's no obvious reply to it. You can't thank a person for feeling sorry and a reply like "Me too" sounds flip. By offering condolences, you're making things easy on the grieving person, and helping the conversation move forward. 

One time I said "I'm sorry" to a teenager who'd just lost his sister to leukemia, and he replied, "That's okay. It wasn't your fault." ...

Sleeping Alone by Glenda Beall

In the dark, I close my eyes,

try to push away the memories,

the feel of your smooth skin

sliding over lean bones and strong sinew,

the softness of your hair, smelling clean

as fresh air and rainwater. It grew back thicker,

darker

after chemo.

On Our Own, Widowhood for Smarties, anthology by writers and poets who have lost someone

One day this week I stopped by Curiosity Books in Murphy, NC. I noticed an anthology, On Our Own, Widowhood for Smarties, was in the window. That book was published by Silver Boomer Books last year. Two of my poems, Sleeping Alone and Solitude, were selected for inclusion. I am proud of this book and wish we had more books of this type. A number of excellent writers, widows or people who wrote about widowhood sent in stories, essays and poems. The book has a nice cover and I’m sure has sold well. Linda Ray, owner of the bookstore asked if I get any kind of royalty when a book is sold. I do not, but I sold first rights to my poems so I was paid at that time.

I took the book over for Linda to read and she said she would let a grief support group see the book.  She evidently had good feedback and now carries the book in the store. While she and I were discussing it, a woman came in and asked for it. Linda told her we had just been talking about it, and I had the opportunity to tell the customer more about the authors.

She glanced through it and said she wanted to purchase a copy. Linda said, “Glenda can autograph it for you, if you want.” 

The woman smiled and said she would like that. As I wrote my name on the pages with my poems, I asked her, “Is this for a friend or have you lost someone?”

She couldn’t speak as tears filled her eyes. I had my answer. I put my arms around her and my heart ached so badly for her pain. I told her I knew her journey. She just took the book and left. 

I hope On Our Own, Widowhood for Smarties brings her some kind of peace as she reads the stories, some funny and some sad, some inspiring and some uplifting. If anyone wants to order the book, go to Amazon.com 

I have a few copies I can autograph and sell at a little discount. Contact me at nightwriter0302@yahoo.com or you can buy it through PayPal. See the side bar. Below see one of the poems in the book.

Solitude

I’ve always needed time alone.
To gather meandering thoughts,
musings on life, mine and yours.
I snatched my moments
where I found them.
But now the stillness whispers to me.
Careful what you ask for.

Waking in our quiet house,
no one greets me with, “Hey, Hon,
Get me a cup of coffee, will ya?”
No one sits in your chair,
No one speaks but the dog.

Hours pass while I make
eggs and toast – no coffee-
not for one. Feed the dog
and cat, answer e-mail, fewer
now it seems.

Slowly I learn to use the quiet,
to ponder my future, to cry
when I am stabbed with memories
so precious I can’t bear the pain,
to face the hard reality that you
will not return.
I am alone inside the
silence that I craved.
           by Glenda C. Beall,
                       first published by Wild Goose Poetry Review