Are you an HSP, a highly sensitive person?

Are you someone who cries easily? Do you think you feel more deeply than others?  

I have always been like that, a very sensitive person. Out of the seven children in my family, I was different. I have been told I was too emotional, too sensitive, and I felt there was something wrong with me. No one else cried or hurt so much when seeing or knowing dark moments in the lives of others. I was sixteen when I heard that a teenage girl I knew only from seeing her often at the skating rink shot herself with a shotgun. She was not a close friend or even someone I talked to when I saw her. But I was devastated when I heard about it. I became depressed and when alone I cried often about this horrible thing happening to someone my own age. None of my friends felt deeply about it. They talked about what might have happened - rumors spread as usual when something so tragic happened to someone we recognized. None of us knew her well enough to talk to her friends or family. 

I was once told that I did all the feeling for my family. My parents were stoic and did not shed tears in front of others. My father avoided the funerals of his closest friends and family because he might shed tears and that would be unmanly, I suppose. I think he was a very sensitive person who hid it as well as he could.

Because of this, I grew up embarrassed when my tears spilled over. Recently I found some videos on TV about very sensitive people. I learned that twenty percent of the population is very sensitive just like me. I was delighted to hear the men and women discuss how they felt and how close to the surface are their feelings. 

When I was hurt by a friend's words or behavior, I cried for days. Others would not be tolerant of such outward uncontrolled emotion. Looking back at my childhood, I realize my extreme sensitivity was the reason I cried every day when I walked into the building for my fourth-grade class. The tears can be triggered by many things including environment, or from being overstimulated by noise, the emotions of others, and smells. I have dealt with multiple chemical sensitivities for most of my life. 

In my memory, I feel the emotions again as I think about the dark hall and dark stairs I climbed on my way to the fourth-grade classroom where an unfeeling teacher hurt my feelings and embarrassed me when she told the other students to ignore me. Glenda is just a crybaby, she said. 

It was not normal for a ten-year-old to cry for no apparent reason, but she had no sympathy for me when I told her I didn't know why I cried. My poor mother tried everything she could think of to make me happy at school. I felt such shame. I vowed every day that I would not cry, but before I entered the room, the tears began to flow. 

Twenty percent of the population is HSP, highly sensitive people. I knew I was empathetic and hurt when others, people or animals, were hurt. But I didn't know there was a segment of the population who were like me - different but not sick.  

I cry not only when something sad happens to me, but I also cry when I am touched by the kindness of others, by the generosity of my loved ones or friends. I teared up when I was honored by Joan and Marcia for starting our Coffee with the Poets group back in 2007. 

Like many HSPs, I can't stand horror movies, or shows with undue violence or even medical shows that aim the camera on the insides of people on the operating table. 

I cannot bear to visit the animal shelter. Seeing those dogs and kittens in cages and knowing they might never find a home breaks my heart. For years I wrote articles for our local newspapers in an effort to get dog owners to neuter their pets. I even tried my hand at foster care, but having to give up those puppies and not knowing their future just tore my heart out. 

At least now that I know I am an HSP, and I belong to a group of good, decent and kind people, I am not ashamed anymore of my tenderness. Although it is often painful to feel so deeply about things of which I have no control, I think it makes me a better writer. After all, I want others to feel what I write about and perhaps that is what makes me a writer.

I am listening to a book, Sensitive, written by a husband and wife who suffered as I did when they were children. They have done research on the subject of Sensitivity. They have a website about it.

They say our culture criticizes HSPs for being thin-skinned, or overly emotional. But the authors say our world might be much better if sensitive people held leadership roles instead of the aggressive and tough attitude accepted in most situations. 

An example they give of a very successful highly sensitive person is Bruce Springsteen. His father was disappointed in him because the boy was not macho enough to suit him. Bruce, like most of us, felt deeply and had a different personality from his father. All his life he wanted to please his big strong father, but his sensitivity led him to be creative and musical. His mother seemed to understand him better than his father did and she bought him his first guitar. His father wanted him to learn how to box. 

The book is very enlightening about a subject we all need to know more about. If you are a highly sensitive person or know an HSP, this book will be helpful to you. The authors want us to embrace our sensitivity, not try to hide it, be ashamed of it, or apologize for it. Don't be negative. So many successful and talented people have high sensitivity. Since reading Sensitive, I realize that many of my friends are highly sensitive. They might not admit it because we have lived with a stigma attached to the word for decades. It is up to us to make others see we are proud to be sensitive even though it hurts many times. Sensitivity is not a weakness. Just as being vulnerable is not being weak. 

Empathy goes with being sensitive. I have identified myself as an Empath for years, but did not know about HSP and that I am one.

You know I am always open to learning and I like to learn something new every day. Now I am learning more every day about being sensitive.

Are you or do you know an HSP?