Three Things We Most Fear

It is said there are three things we most fear.

Fear of success. Fear of failure. Fear of change.

Which is our biggest fear? Fear of change.

Looking back I think I lived with fear most of my early life. I didn't fear success. I was terrified of failure. I wanted to make the best grades in school. I hoped I would have a report card that made my family proud of me. Most of my school years up to my middle school or junior high school years, I made honor roll. I was in the top percent of students in my class.

But when I reached seventh grade, I was in my early teens, the hardest time for kids to fit in and feel worthy. I still made excellent grades in all my subjects except physical education. We were graded 1=A; 2=B;

3=C;4=D and so on. Until I received my first report card in seventh grade, I made 1s and 2s. 

The first time I made a 3 or a C, I was devastated. I was not a good athlete and tried to avoid softball games. I had not grown up playing team sports. I lived in the country and rode horses with my friends. Every time teams were chosen at school, I was the last one picked. If I could, I actually hid behind a tree. They didn't want me on the team anyway.

But my teacher, a pretty blond young woman who wore short white shorts every day, had no empathy or sympathy for me. She was determined I should make a fool of myself and be ridiculed by others because I could not play ball. Now I know from Dr. Brene' Brown, my teacher was shaming me. 

She ruined my years of status of honor roll by giving me that awful mark each six weeks. I was devastated. There was nothing I could do to change it. She didn't try to teach me how to play so I could become better. She did nothing but send us out to the playing field, appoint two captains and have them choose sides. Once the game began, the little lady in the white shorts disappeared. 

Probably because I wanted desperately for my family's approval, I became a perfectionist who never quite reached my perfection point. 

Yes, failure was my biggest fear most of my life. But when I moved away and lived among strangers who became good friends, my fear of failure weakened. I became stronger in many ways, found I had leadership abilities, and followed my passion.

The fear of change is one I have to fight now.

As the world changes and as I grow older, I have to accept the changes in our culture, and in behavior that is hard for me to understand. The vulgar language on TV and in movies is difficult for me to take. It seems that society in general has become coarse and crude. I am not a prude, but the pendulum has moved too far for me, and I wish we could swing back to a more civil society. 

We have become a more violent nation. Our language is filled with violent words and our movies are filled with violence. Murder with gory scenes fill our books and television shows. Even the medical shows take our minds and our eyes into gory, shocking scenes I don't feel are necessary to the show. 

Children see more people killed in their young lives than I did in the first half of my life. Watch a sports match and you would think Americans are mean and blood thirsty. "Kill him! Bash his head in! Break his leg!" These are cries from the crowds at football games in the United States. 

Even when we want to speak of someone's success, we say, "She killed it." 

I see the fear of change in many of my peers who can't make themselves move out of their comfort zone. 

We have to accept the new technology, the use of the Internet and virtual communication if we are to be a part of the community now. The pandemic has brought us into a place where we have little choice unless we want to be isolated forever.

Complete isolation is harmful to our health, mental and physical. I wish we could expect to go back to our normal methods of living when we have a vaccine, but I am forcing myself to accept the changes that are happening to my life and life of all in this country. Doctors are saying that the vaccine will not be enough to eradicate this disease. We still must continue to wear masks and to social distance.

I spent Thanksgiving with two family members, part of my bubble, instead of joining others in the family for a gathering as we usually do. But, we had two Zoom gatherings of family which brought all of us joy. 

The most important thing we can do now, I think, is have hope for a better 2021. If we can do something that helps others, we will feel better and so will those who receive our help. People are hungry. Food banks need donations. I have found that giving small gifts throughout the month is easier for me than making big gifts.

Facing change is hard and it is especially hard for those in my generation. I gripe more than most, but I know if I don't make changes, I will be left behind. 

We expect very cold temperatures here in the mountains of North Carolina tonight and tomorrow. My plants on my deck will not likely survive. Winter will slip in tonight and life will change for a few months.

But I welcome winter and the quiet time ahead. I hope to do much more writing in the coming months. Enjoy your holidays!