Words from a Reader

The “Writing Life Stories” e-mails I receive are such treasures. As soon as I see there is one in my inbox, I read it immediately. I look forward to them and never know how they will touch me. They can be interesting, informative, humorous, and/or touching.

Friday, February 8, 2019

What do you say?



A few years ago, after my husband died. I saw a call for submissions for this book, On Our Own, Widowhood for Smarties. I decided to send in some of my poetry I had written while dealing with my grief.

I am proud to have been accepted for this anthology. The work in this book is not only poetry, but short pieces by those who have lost loved ones and how they are going on with their lives. A blog reader recently said she had ordered the book when her husband died. I think it is good to give to friends who have lost a husband or a wife, a life partner or even for children of widows because they don't often understand. It is not all sad. Some of the stories are humorous and all are of value to those who are in mourning or who are grieving.

As I told my dinner companion last night, when you have been married 45 years, you become one entity. When one of you die, the one that is left is like half a person for awhile. It takes a long time to make the half that is left work like it should. 

I am not sure if this book is still in print. The book was published by Silver Boomer Books out of Abilene, Texas. I have three so if you want one, let me know. 
Here are some pieces in this book.

Widowhood: Some Notes by Cathy Douglas
1. Nobody knows what to say to a person in grief, especially someone they don't know well. I used to wonder what to say, too. I suggest "condolences," or some related phrase, because it gives the person an easy reply: "Thank you." If you say "I'm sorry," it is awkward, because there's no obvious reply to it. You can't thank a person for feeling sorry and a reply like "Me too" sounds flip. By offering condolences, you're making things easy on the grieving person, and helping the conversation move forward. 
One time I said "I'm sorry" to a teenager who'd just lost his sister to leukemia, and he replied, "That's okay. It wasn't your fault." ...

Sleeping Alone by Glenda Beall

In the dark, I close my eyes,
try to push away the memories,
the feel of your smooth skin
sliding over lean bones and strong sinew,
the softness of your hair, smelling clean
as fresh air and rainwater. It grew back thicker,
darker
after chemo.









6 comments:

  1. And listen. It is so important to allow the person who is grieving to talk. As much or as little as is right for them. Grief is simultaneously universal and very personal.

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  2. I love those two pieces from the book. Thank you for sharing them. It's always hard to carry on after you lose a lifelong partner.

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  3. You are so right. Listening is very, very important. The grieving person often needs to talk and needs someone who really wants to listen. Good point, EC.

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  4. DJan, I am glad you liked those two pieces. There are more notes that we need to know, but too long to write in my blog post. I was so lost when my husband died and wondered if everyone who was grieving had the same feelings I did, so reading about others who had lost loved ones helped me realize I was not losing my mind and it was normal to still be grieving after a year, two years even and grief is a personal experience no one can tell you how to manage, but we who have experienced it can help by telling our stories and by helping those who have not been there to understand how we feel.

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  5. I remember reading about this book on your blog when my husband was dying and writing in the comment field that I already felt like a widow. The book came out at just the right time for me.

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  6. If anyone is confused about who Netwest Writers is, my posts were coming up with that name instead of Glenda Beall because I am administering our Netwestwriters.blogspot.com Blog for our writing organization. I hope I have it straightened out by now, but who knows? I have not managed that blog for many years. I began the blog in 2007, but in the past six years, someone else has been in charge of it.

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I really appreciate your comments, and I love reading what you say.