Tonight while visiting another blog, I was touched by a piece written for those who have children born with disabilities. It is all about disappointments in life and what we do with them. Before you read my post today, please click
here to read Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley.
I wanted to have my Barry for many more years. I wanted to have him beside me as I followed my dreams for the future. I wanted him to be present when my poetry book was published. I wanted him to accompany me to readings where I could introduce him and tell people my book was dedicated to this man who had stood beside me through many decades encouraging me to continue writing and teaching. I wanted to share all my joys as well as my sorrows with my soul-mate.
I was not prepared for him to become ill and to suffer in the last years of his life. I was not prepared to loose him, to be suddenly and completely alone.
I have been overcome with my sadness and having to change the way I live my life. I had not planned for this to happen to me - not now. Maybe when we were in our nineties we would talk about death and how we would cope without each other. Both of us said we wanted to go together. Like in the Notebook, we could lie down together and go to sleep forever.
Our journey has taken us to a new land, but it is not a terrible, nasty and unforgiving place. We can learn to live here. We must buy new guidebooks, but we have the opportunity to learn from this, to reach out and help others who have just arrived, to see beyond our own pain and recognize that the flowers are still blooming, and the music is still being heard. We have to get off and see what Holland holds for us. We might be surprised at what we find.